


Evidently

by orphan_account



Category: How I Met Your Mother
Genre: Drunken Shenanigans, M/M, Making Out, Minor Original Character(s), No Spoilers, Sexual Frustration, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-16 03:54:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11820693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "Ted, I need to make out with you."





	Evidently

"Ted, I need to make out with you."  
Everyone at the booth gapes at Barney. He looks around the table, realization dawning on him along with a hint of mortification. "NOT what you think! I'm trying to get--" He jerks his head to the side and points his thumb at a girl sitting at the bar, " _that_ hottie to sleep with me."  
"What does that have to do with me!?" Ted exclaimed.  
"She's into it." Barney explains bluntly. At the group's confused expressions, he sighs and elaborates. "Gay men. As in, she likes watching. She's sexually straight as far as I can tell."  
"Barney, that's crazy!" Lily admonishes. He gives her a somewhat offended look.  
"She has a point. That's weird, even for you." Marshall adds, glancing at the chick. She was staring at them-- more specifically Barney. She catches Marshall's eye and winks. He hurriedly looks away with a shudder.  
Robin raises a hand to the waitress. "More whiskey, please."  
Barney rolls his eyes and turns to Ted expectantly.  
"No!"  
"Wh-- oh, come on Ted! We're wingmen!" Barney whines, sliding into the end chair. "Wingmen help each other score!"  
"Yeah, but this is too far." Ted takes a sip of his beer, pointedly avoiding eye contact.  
"It's just kissing. Nothing dirty." Barney wheedles.  
"No." Ted meets his gaze, determined not to give in.  
Barney looks disappointed for a moment before a fire lights in him. It's visible in how he tenses and straightens. It would've been intimidating, had it been on anyone more butch and less Barney.  
"Is this because you're not gay?" Barney narrows his eyes at him. "If so, we both know that isn't really true."  
"What!" Lily blurts. "Ted?"  
Marshall and Robin share a glance before tuning in as well, curiosity getting the better of them.  
"No! No, I'm not gay." Ted glares.  
"Maybe not, but you aren't straight either. Remember--"  
Ted slaps a hand over Barney's mouth, muffling his next words. Lily looks extra intrigued, leaning forward from across the table.  
"It's nothing." Ted insists. Barney's brows scrunch. He reaches up, yanking Ted's hand away. "Nothing my--"  
Ted rapidly tackles Barney to the floor, cutting him off.  
Lily gasps, leaning over Marshall to get a good look. Robin follows suit, scooting over to Ted's seat and turning on her phone. There was no way she wasn't immortalizing this.  
Ted and Barney struggle for a few seconds before Ted manages to gain the upper hand. He pins Barney down, straddling his waist and holding his wrists above his head. They're both panting, faces flushed. Ted raises a hand to wave Carl off, who goes back to bartending with a snort.  
"J-jeez, Ted," Barney groans. "It was years ago, dude, I thought you were over it!"  
Ted glares. "We agreed not to talk about it!"  
"Talk about what?" Lily questions.  
"Nothing!" Ted snaps at the same time Barney shouts, "He made out with--"  
Again, Barney is cut off. This time it isn't a hand or tackle.  
It's by Ted's lips pressing into his. Barney makes a noise of surprise in his throat. There's a moment when he does nothing, too shocked to move.  
And then he's kissing back with vigor. He has to restrain himself from grinning; else he sabotages them.  
He twists his wrists, wanting to bury his hands in Ted's hair or wrap them around his lower back. Ted's hold only tightens, and Barney is rewarded with a tongue shoved in his mouth.  
It's invasive and rough and not what he's used to, but he likes it. Ted's tongue slides over his, pushing and demanding.  
Suddenly, Barney is aware that this is a battle and that Ted is _winning_. Somehow, someway, Ted is besting him, and there is nothing he can do about it.  
It's hot.  
It's insanely, yet inconceivably, _hot_.  
Heat pools into his stomach. He can't hold back a moan as Ted nips at his bottom lip.  
And then pulls away.  
Barney's head thunks softly back onto the floor, face red and breathing labored. Ted scrambles off him and Barney, grunting slightly, lifts himself up. He's vaguely aware of the staring from MacLaren's other patrons. Marshall and Lily appear to be in shock and Robin is giggling to herself.  
Barney slowly sits back down in the booth's end chair. Ted returns to his seat. They avoid looking at each other.  
A blonde woman saunters up to the table and places a wad of bills in front of Barney. "For your trouble. That was quite the show..." She leans in and stage-whispers into his ear, "I suppose your night's booked, then." She glances at Ted, winks, and leaves.  
Lily snatches the bills, counts them, and slaps them back on the table. "A hundred and fifty! As I said, crazy." She shakes her head and sips her drink.  
"Wow." Marshall mutters. He looks rather amused if a bit mentally scarred.  
"So, who exactly did Ted make out with?" Robin asks, a shit-eating grin plastered on her face.  
Ted glowers at her. Barney smirks.  
"Me, evidently."


End file.
